Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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