I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
