my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
