I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
