I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i believe in u and ur pee
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
