she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
