i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
