He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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