New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I believe in your delicious
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
