For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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