Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
