I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
