Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The air was thick with penises
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
