my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
