y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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