I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
