Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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