Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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