Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
