So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
