i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
