I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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