i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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