Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
