I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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