I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
