I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize