Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
