i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
