apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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