i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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