so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
