True but thats because hes a fetus.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
