He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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