Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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