is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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