marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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