i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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