pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
