Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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