How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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