Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
