drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
