Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
