you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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