We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
