In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
