Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
