Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
