It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
