I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
