i would punch a child for taco bell
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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