I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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