I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
