cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
