hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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