remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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