we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
