She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize