I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
