is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
