If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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