I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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