The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
