Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
