God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
