imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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