So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
