You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
