i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
