WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
