This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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