hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
