I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
