I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
