I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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