the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize
