So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
