You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
