I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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