Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
