Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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