apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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