Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
