I wanna bring you to show and tell
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
