Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
