its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We have so much sex to catch up on
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
