dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
